It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
