let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
