she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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