Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My bed smells like the plague
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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