he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
BRING THE BAGELS
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
