Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So vagazzling was a success
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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