New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
