you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
