she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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