I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
