I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
