He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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