i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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