worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
