oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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