I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
