so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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