She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
