Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
either way he was missing a nipple.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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