I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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