Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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