Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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