There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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