apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
