I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
