Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
smell my finger.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Be still, my beating vagina.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
