my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
