i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She said her name was "party"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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