we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't deserve a penis
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
