jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
