Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
