It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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