I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Come share oat with me in your robe
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
