you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
