Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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