Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
