ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
