You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
