then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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