I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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