I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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