My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
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