so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
