i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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