Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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