um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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