I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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