It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
