haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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