Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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