Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Of course I have a pirate flag
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
